What To Do When You Feel Lonely As A Leader
Juan was downtrodden.
About two months into his term as director of his church class, a few key team members quit. Some of the regulars also decided they wanted a change of scenery. So they began attending another class.
Everyone who left gave little or no notice to Juan, which added to his discouragement. Worse, no one who left responded whenever he had questions. He felt like he was the only one who cared about the class. Why was he putting in so much effort to lead this community? He felt like no one wanted to be a part of it anymore.
If you can relate to Juan, you're not alone. You might feel lonely, but you're in good company with these struggles.
John Maxwell once said that a leader without followers is only a person going for a walk. But what if the path means a lot to you?
Does having no one follow you imply you lack influence? Or should you choose a different, more popular path?
If your situation resembles Juan's, here are some helpful actions to take.
Find your advocates. A steady stream of support and encouragement are essential. Juan should have frequent meetings with other directors to share ideas. Having a mentor will prepare him for anticipated challenges. Recruiting dedicated team members will also prevent burnout.
Build on what's there, not on what isn't. Juan should keep his focus on who's still coming, not on who left. All he has to do is ask for their opinions and ideas. By inviting people to share thoughts, Juan can get a sense of how to best meet the needs of the attendees.
Seize the opportunity to experiment. If Juan feels like the ship is sinking, he should re-frame his situation as having nothing to lose. If the usual measures to run a class aren't working, he should try outlandish ideas to see how people react.
Focus on being faithful, not fruitful. While wanting some visible success is understandable, Juan shouldn't define himself by it. If Juan refuses to let the apathy of others get him down, he can take heart in knowing he fought for a bigger cause.
Embrace the lessons you can apply later. Leadership lessons always have value. The best venues to learn them have low stakes, like volunteer situations. No matter how much Juan fails, he won't lose his position over a bad performance. The lessons he learns from this position can help him in other areas of his life, like his job.
Celebrate who you're becoming. In line with the previous point, Juan can feel good about himself for taking on a challenge. So many people are risk averse and don't push themselves. As a result, they don't have impact on a local or global scale. In contrast, Juan stepped out in faith. Even if he doesn't get the success he was hoping for, he still gets the reward of maturity.
Build on what you love doing. One of the deterrents with church programs can be a large amount of overhead. Managing email lists, online calendars, and a newsletter can bog down volunteers. Instead, churches should strip away tedious tasks. This will allow classes to focus on building relationships through events. Events need to be ones they want to host, not obligated to host. Let's say Juan loves trying new restaurants and swing dancing. Building class plans around his personal ones saves him time and effort. Even if no one joins him, he still can enjoy himself.
Carve out time to recharge. A leader's work is never done. There's always a new fire or interruption to deal with. If Juan doesn't set aside time for him to rest, reflect, and recover, the nonstop onslaught of drama eats him alive. If he doesn't say "no" to things by design, he will have to by default. Most people settle for the latter because they never learned how to apply the former. One of the saddest responses Juan can give is, "No, I'm too tired from doing things I'm not excited about."
Choose to have fun. Novice leaders try too hard to maintain stability instead of blazing a new path. They're focused on retaining popularity, not creating something new. What's more exciting: leaders doing inspiring activities who invite you to join them? Or those who push you to help in work they themselves dread? If Juan helps with prison ministry, anti-trafficking, or refugees, inviting others is easy. Hard work and fun don't have to exclude each other.
If you like the tips you see here and want more, don't hesitate to schedule a complementary 30 minute call. I'd love to help you navigate your challenge!
