Healthy and Unhealthy Conflict: How to Detect and Approach
What is healthy conflict?
Healthy conflict is conflict based on mutual respect and trust. It expresses differing ideas or opinions without malicious means, such as bullying or insults. Healthy conflict is also called "positive conflict." The reinforcement of positive reception to conflicting dialogue between people results in a progression of ideas. Positive conflict can also be a learning opportunity for both parties.
Example: Debates and controlled competition are great examples of healthy conflict. If you and your friend are on opposite sides of the argument that gluten-free helps with long-term health, the conversation would likely end with a non-combative agreement to disagree. Both sides would provide ideas why they are for or against their argument and probably be able to offer factful details to raise their claims.
What is unhealthy conflict?
An unhealthy conflict is when one person's voice becomes the force of reason during a dialogue. It often brings a "You’re wrong, I’m right” assertiveness to the conversation. This conflict can lead to adverse reactions stemming from a lack of willingness to see eye-to-eye with another person or see reason even when presented with facts.
Example: During a conflict, someone is often brass or angry for even entertaining someone else's opinion. They may bully or have negative counterproductive behavior such as spite. Their intent is malicious and often leads to more obstacles down the road.
How do you approach either?
With healthy conflicts, you’ll likely feel that your opinion matters and that the conversation is approachable. It is best to ask good questions and be yourself for positive interaction. Don’t be afraid to show confidence in your ideas and set clear expectations in debates.
In unhealthy conflicts, you’ll likely notice that you can’t get a word in the conversation without backlash. They don’t care to hear your side of the argument. While walking away is best, it is not always possible, especially in workplace settings. In these situations, encourage parties to take accountability for their words or actions and show how each side of the argument can be valuable. But remember, when in doubt, walk away.
Here are some questions to determine what kind of conflict you’re dealing with:
Are you focusing on who’s right, or what’s right?
Is the majority of your conversation about finding a solution, or placing blame?
Are either or both of you listening to listen, or listening to interrupt?
Are both sides willing to admit the flaws in their own arguments, or is personal pride getting in the way?
Whether your conflict is healthy or unhealthy: if you need help navigating it, schedule a call today.