What Goes into Asking a Powerful Question?
In this book, Sobel and Panas share questions to enrich conversations in all sorts of settings, whether social and professional. The book's format makes it a quick read, using bite-size anecdotes to illustrate the take-home question at the end, Aesop-fable style. While open-ended questions tend to be more effective ("What are your dreams?"), sometimes a rhetorical yes/no question can also drive home a key point ("Is that your best?"). In any case, you will have plenty of possibilities to consider after reading this book.
Takeaways:
Listening is more powerful than talking. In my twenties, I went through an oversharing phase, wanting the world to know about all the enviable experiences I was having. This could range from the international trips I took to the interesting shows I was watching. In short, I wanted to get people's attention by putting the spotlight on myself, when the more effective method is shining it on others. By design, a question elicits a response, even if left unsaid. Even then, unless you ask with genuine curiosity, don't expect to establish an authentic relationship.
Use questions to explore, not corner. The first book I ever read which illustrated the power of questions was Paul Tripp's Instruments in the Redeemer's Hands. Tripp mentioned a time he was discussing his marital problems with his brother, Tedd. Through questions, Tedd asked about important areas, as if surveying a scene. He didn't ask with answers in mind, nor did he want to imply that Paul needed to take responsibility for his role in the problems. Even if Tedd were justified in making that assessment, he would likely make Paul defensive, which wouldn't lead Paul to productive action. Instead, Tedd's questions planted the seeds necessary to get Paul thinking.
Allow each question to sink in. Stacking questions is tempting, especially when you feel brilliant for lining up a clever sequence. Ironically, firing them off in rapid succession defeats the purpose of even asking a question to begin with. Prolonged silence after a question means people are thinking. In fact, they might even reach the conclusion you hoped they would find all along. In Paul's case, he realized the damage he contributed to his marriage. Convicted of his mistakes, he informed his wife of his renewed commitment to restoring their relationship.
Both stories and lessons in this book keep you engaged. The more you read, the more inspired you become to try the questions on your own. Eventually, you'll start generating your own profound questions to ask. I recommend jotting questions down as you think of them, so that you can review them for future use. If you want asking powerful questions to become second nature this book gives you a great foundation.
