Do You Think Boundaries Are Protective or Restrictive?
In Boundaries, the authors talk about the importance of boundaries and the consequences of not having them. They start by describing a typical day of someone who has no healthy boundaries, then providing the reasons people struggle to establish them. The next section of the book describes the main areas you will need to figure out boundaries for, including family, friends, work, and the digital age. Finally, the authors discuss how to put boundaries in place, how to measure their success, and share an example of what a day with successful boundaries looks like.
Takeaways:
What seems restrictive is actually protective. In line with this idea, Henry Blackaby shares an example of a protective boundary in Experiencing God: a hypothetical situation of God providing you a wonderful spouse. Then, imagine God telling you not to be intimate with anyone else. Does His command limit your freedom of choice, or preserve what's meaningful? Putting guardrails in place allows married couples to deepen their intimacy. Without them, trust is difficult to establish, and the integrity of the marriage is unlikely to last.
Without a relationship, rules lead to rebellion. In line with the first point, rules are easier to follow when you respect the person issuing them. If you are a landlord, don't expect tenants to keep the kitchen clean if you don't demonstrate generosity and benevolence. While you may not have control over their decision to respect you, you still have the opportunity to demonstrate that you're trustworthy.
Establishing boundaries from the start is easier than trying to build them later. When you grow tomatoes, providing a wire frame directs their growth, rather than having them spill all over the garden. Similarly, having clearly defined expectations in the beginning makes things easier for you and the people you work with. Allowing colleagues to generate their own ideas on best practices for your organization strengthens the relationships and increases buy-in as well.
Enforcing your boundaries is up to you. Having a boundary in place is an extension of accountability. If you let people off the hook about a promise they've made, don't expect them to take you seriously. The same thing happens if you don't enforce the consequences of violating a boundary. At one point, I had a tenant who defaulted on his lease. Even though we both knew the day he officially had to vacate my property, he didn't move out until I involved legal help.
Cloud and Townsend remind us of the reasons we need boundaries. If you struggle with hearing or saying "no" to requests, the content here will help you identify why you might be having problems with doing so. By choosing respect over popularity, you will be able to defend your boundaries more effectively. Experiment in small ways, then assemble a team of people who will help you follow through in crucial moments when enforcing boundaries. One simple victory at work was not answering the pharmacy phone if people called outside of our business hours if we happened to arrive early or stay late. Unless my team and I insisted on not picking up, patients would begin thinking they could call as early or late as they want if we happened to be there. Patients might get upset about not having access to us on their whim, but that's a small price to pay for maintaining our sanity.
