Lesson 6: How to Advocate for Your Own Needs Without Feeling Selfish
Catherine had always prided herself on being a team player. The child of immigrants, her parents insisted she maintain her job security, no matter how much it inconvenienced her. During a hectic vacation season at her previous job, she agreed to take on over 200 hours of extra shifts to cover for her colleagues. At first, she felt good about her decision, believing it demonstrated her dedication and team spirit. Plus, she liked having a little extra cash. However, as the extra hours piled up, the toll on her well-being became undeniable. Catherine found herself more fatigued during her own shifts, her performance slipping as a result. Worse, taxes ate away almost all she extra money she made.
This experience was a turning point for Catherine. She realized that while being helpful is important, maintaining personal boundaries is just as crucial. She recognized that if she didn't learn to say "no" and limit the amount of extra work she took on, her health and job performance would continue to deteriorate. It became clear that advocating for her needs was essential for her long-term success and well-being.
Key Insights
Balance Helpfulness with Self-Care
Being a helpful and reliable team member is valuable, but it cannot come at the expense of your own health and performance. It's important to strike a balance between supporting your team and taking care of yourself. Overextending yourself can lead to burnout and decreased productivity. That benefits no one.
2. Learning to Say "No" is Essential
Saying "no" can be difficult, especially when you want to be seen as a team player. However, it's a necessary skill for maintaining your boundaries and ensuring you don't take on more than you can handle. Being able to decline additional tasks respectfully and assertively is crucial for sustainable success. Always balance the opportunity cost of a “yes” with what you could be saying “no” to by default.
3. Enforcing Your Own Boundaries
Establishing boundaries is one thing. Enforcing them is another. It's up to you to communicate and uphold your limits consistently. Relying on others, like your boss or scheduler, to manage your workload for you is unrealistic. You must take responsibility for protecting your own time and energy. Remember, it’s not just about you. It’s about being the best employee for the company. That requires you to make sure you are meeting your primary work responsibilities first.
Possible Actions
Set Clear Limits on Extra Work
Decide in advance how much additional work you are willing to take on and stick to those limits. For instance, you might determine that you can handle one extra shift per month without compromising your well-being. Communicate these limits clearly to your scheduler or manager, ensuring they understand your boundaries.
2. Practice Assertive Communication
Learn to say "no" in a way that is both firm and respectful. You could use phrases like, "I appreciate the opportunity to help, but I can't take on extra shifts right now," or "I'm currently at my capacity and need to focus on my existing responsibilities." Rehearsing these responses can help you feel more confident when situations arise.
3. Monitor Your Workload and Well-Being
Regularly assess your workload and how it affects your health and performance. Are you tracking your energy levels before and after your shifts? If you notice signs of fatigue or burnout, it may be time to reevaluate your commitments and adjust your boundaries accordingly. Keeping track of your well-being helps you make informed decisions about your workload.
Conclusion
It took a while for Catherine to stand up to her scheduler. Early on, she was afraid that declining extra work would lead to negative karma, that her scheduler wouldn’t return the favor when she needed it. Later, she saw that her saying “yes” didn’t oblige the scheduler to reciprocate. She realized that a healthy relationship lay somewhere in the middle. She didn’t have to always say yes, trusting her scheduler could find an alternate solution if necessary. She saw how her needs didn’t always align with her scheduler’s, even as they worked for the same company. Only then did things start to improve for her.
Catherine's experience with taking on excessive extra shifts highlights the importance of balancing helpfulness with maintaining personal boundaries. By learning to say "no" and enforcing your own limits, you can protect your well-being and ensure sustained success in your role.
Be helpful, but also recognize the need for self-care. Establishing and upholding boundaries is essential for avoiding burnout and maintaining high performance. Remember, it's not about being uncooperative. It's about preserving your ability to contribute effectively over the long term. Helping line up alternative solutions or replacements is another idea to play around with, and we can unpack that in another blog.
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